Baby on the brain....!

I cant take it anymore! I want a BABY!! Right now! ...is that possible? No. Damn.

I have been online all day pretty much (I havent done a thing at work today) and I have been looking at people's photgraphy. Which led me to a woman's photo blog on this site. She has the life I want. How do I get one like it? She has lots of friends. Single friends. Engaged friends. Married friends. Friends with children. You name it, shes got them. She looks completely happy in her life. She has a young son who I can tell she loves and adores just by reading and looking at her pictures. She has sushi dinner nights with friends. She has baby showers at the park. She does her friends engagements photos and wedding photos. She just seems like shes very happy. Its the impression she gives.

Looking at her photos and all the ones Ive been looking at today keeps dragging me back to baby pictures. I LOVE looking at professional baby pictures. And thats what Ive been doing all morning. Well, that and pregnancy photos. And it makes me want to have a baby soooo bad. So bad, I can almost taste it. It has been something that Ive always wanted in life. Ive always wanted to be pregnant and have babies and raise children into adults. Ive always wanted to be the "cool mom."

I can always tell when my body does into pre-historic maternity mode. I instantly turn into a kinder, more thoughtful, cleaning fool (Im thinking this is the nesting part of it all.) Right after that one week a month thing, I always get like this. I guess its my bodys idea that there is no baby and it needs a baby. Im going to have to get on this baby making deal by myself I think. Just do it, and see what happens. See how she feels. haha. That would be the big kicker. Well, that and my mother asking...how did this happen?!?! She would want to know all the details. I swear I think one day she is going to write a book about her gay daughter and all the crazy shit that goes with it. I will tell her one thing and then tell her another and she gets all confused like she has no idea how things go on in a gay relationship. haha. I just want a baby. God, do I want a baby. Ive got this idea of a nursery and how I want it to look. I have this idea that it will be a boy and I will name him Gabriel and he will have a head full of hair and dark eyes. Babies keep invading my dreams and I dont know how to make it stop. I know im young and I dont have my life together completely but there are girls out there who have it off worst than me and are making it work right now. Thats all I would do. Just make it work. My mother had it work, and so can I.

I just cant wait to feel what its like to be pregnant and have the baby kick me from inside. I cant wait to see the baby for the first time and hold it and cry tears of happiness. I cant wait to get home from the hospital and put it in its crib for the first time. I cant wait until I the feeling that im really going to be a mother. I cant wait to watch my child grow up and go to school and graduate and make something of its life. I just cant wait. If I could have all that TODAY, I totally would.

Being in a heterosexual relationship this is an easy task. And well, even being in a homosexual relationship this COULD be an easy task but I want all parties to be involved. I dont know if my girlfriend is ready for this right now. I know she wants children, its just a matter of when. And if Im the one.

Eh, I dont want to think about all that. I just like the idea of having a child with someone who is as passionate about it as me.

I think I would make a great mother.