Im waiting to hear back from a car dealership to see if I got the car loan I applied for on Saturday. I dont even care really about the car that Im getting, its more of the idea that I will HAVE a car. Stop relying on my mother or brother AND girlfriend.
I hate not having money. I hate being poor. I hate not having things that I feel that I deserve. But, how do you change the only way you have ever done things. I feel that Im conditioned to never have money, to always complain I have no money, to always over spend on things I dont need and not pay my bills. Its really hard to change the things that you have done repeatedly over and over again. But, Ive realized that I cant live my life that way. I cant always not have money or keep complaining about not having money. I need to do something about it.
But what?
I dont even think that if I didnt smoke at all, and I didnt drink and I didnt go out many places...that I still wouldnt have money. The majority of my money does go to bills. But, of course, I do enjoy a good drink and some eats now and then. Does really buying yourself a pair of jeans and a shirt really put me in debt?
Ugh. Its all so confusing and im so far in the hole that I dont know how to get out of it. I am following in my mothers foot steps. Down a road of bankruptcy, and hardship for the rest of my life.
I want to break the cycle, I just have to find a way to do it.
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