Its a little scary...

Maybe its just me. I dont know.

I love my girlfriend to death!!! We are moving forward in the relationship and things are looking good...but there are just a couple of things that are standing in the way.

One...her ex and well, NO ONE knows that me and her and dating and are in love with each other.
Two...her ex is still in love with her. I cant win.

But, I just love her so much and it pains me that no one knows about our relationship. I dont care about the consequences anymore if people know. People that shouldnt care if we love each other. Or even if we arent.

I guess it all comes back to how I met my girl. I met thru her ex.

DUN DUN DUN!!!!

Who used to be a good friend of mine. And its not that the ex isnt a friend of mine anymore...its just that the ex kinda jumped off the deep end. But thats a WHOLE other story. I love someone so much, that all I want to do is tell everyone that im happy and that I found someone that makes me feel good and loves me. Something I havent been able to say for a long time. But, I cant. Everytime I get a text from this ex when im around her she gets all paranoid. She tells what to say in the texts or to just not text. BUT yet, she can talk to the ex on her way into work. I know that this ex is nuts. OK. I guess someone has to keep her from losing all her marbles. But, why does it have to be her? I know she feels bad for her. I get it. I do. But, enough is enough. And that really needs to be said and made sure that the ex knows that whats going on in her life is only the direct consequences of past actions. Plain and simple.

I keep telling myself that I have to say something to her about this since its eating away at me. But, I cant figure out how to tell her in the best way possible that its just something that I have to do. I dont have to mention her name to everyone I know. But, I dont want to feel guilty talking about her to someone. I dont want to have to watch my mouth and the names I drop. I just cant go thru the whole relationship like this. BUT I think the thing that keeps me from not saying anything at all is that this is a new-er relationship. We have known each other for a couple years but it wasnt until about 3 months ago that we really STARTED this relationship past just having a friendship. And maybe I should wait until we have more time together to make us hold on stronger IF something should be started by someone. But, I dont want to wait a couple more months and then when it comes out, we get tired of the drama (and I know its going to be DRAMA!!!!) to put a wedge in the middle of us. And then I would feel like I wasted a couple months that I could have been doing something else...like getting over her. Ugh. I dont even want to think about the idea that we wouldnt be together but I know that its always a possibity with every relationship.

I am going to dinner with her on Saturday and maybe that will be the time to drop this idea off to her. See how she feels about it. Hopefully she doesnt take it the wrong way. And thats a fear of mine, that I wont say things how I truly want.

I just dont know if im over thinking things. OR over looking things. Im a hot mess.